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Monday, June 4, 2012 | Personal
Iknow my birthday was 2 weeks back. May 10th to be exact. Yes, I'm a Taurean. And yes, this post is late... Late, intentionally and not intentionally at the same time. It's been hectically busy (still is *sadface*) and I really just wanted a proper moment to sit down and put my thoughts together because I wanted to say this well. Once.
I'll admit it, I kind of make a big deal out of birthdays :P Not the - I want a huge party, big bash, and lets go crazy kind of a big deal... but the kind where there is pampering, hugs, and special little treats sprinkled all throughout.
This year, my hubby made this one special. Okay, he makes all my birthdays special, but this one had that spoonful of extra goodness added to it. You have to understand that we aren't the extremely 'mushy' kind of couple (I know, ironic, given that I am a wedding photographer :P But I've learned to love it that way), we don't sweet talk each other with superflous words, or make public declarations of affection, instead we love in the more silent of ways, in the simple things... Brewing of tea to sleep better at night. Making breakfast, even if its just cereal and milk. A reminder to lock one's car while driving. Allowing each other the freedom to do somethings on our own. And just time together, even if we aren't doing a whole lot.
I'm writing this post, so I can remember. Not because I'm romantically mushy, but because I am sentimental and forgetful (the latter I am not proud of). I want to look back and recall in the middle of a very very busy time for him when he could have chosen to do alot of other things that were very important, he chose me and brought home flowers in my favourite colour, a pretty blue box, and planned a beautiful evening where we ate, drank and chatted about little nothings that made me smile. To alot looking, this may seem materialistic, but deep down I know what it means when I look behind the surface. And that's what matters.
Thank you to my most awesome hubby for making this birthday perfect. I know we drive each other absolutely crazy so often, because we couldn't be two more different people put together (yet somehow, in God's grace, he makes us work), and I know there are times we don't like each other very much because we aren't afraid to tell each other where we stand with each other....but through it all, I always always love you.
Sunday, May 27, 2012 | Personal
The better part of me... that sensible, responsible face of who I am, always whispers into my ear each night to beckon me to sleep earlier. To climb into that soft malleable surface covered with my striped quilt, and let my body and mind rest at a decent hour.
The thing is, I am intrinsically a night person. Sleeping too early is a foreign concept that my body likes to reject.
You see, I enjoy how quiet the space that surrounds me becomes when the night is pitch black, and there is only my amber bed light switched on to my right. I like how the only thing that meets my ears is the whirring of the fan/heater, and the clock's longest hand monotonously soldiers ahead to each second on its face. It is moments like these that my mind truly gets its space to think. To ponder over the day's happenings, to revisit the conversations shared, to read, to laugh over a light hearted comedy on my laptop...
In some strange sense, this is part of my 'me-time'. It is late, but I do love it. Because in the manic of photography, life, family, friends, and everything else that my 24 hours entails, it refreshes the soul. There are no phone calls. No people to attend to. It is silent. And I don't just mean silent in that void-of-physical sound kind of way. But silent in the sense that everything is still. Life as I know it, pauses, while the sun sleeps.
Tonight, is one of those nights where I crave that 'me-time'. To think. To reflect. And in my thoughts tonight, for the first time in a very long time, a long forgotten nemesis paid me a visit. I call him Self Doubt.
I hate him. He makes me feel like I am worth less. That I do not make the cut. And that really, when it comes down to it in simple man's terms...I am just not good enough.
In that instance, I have to admit, I was tempted to curl up and shed a tear. But let out two.
It hurts when your self worth is crushed.
But God is so wonderful. I share this because in moments when it is so easy to wallow in self pity, saving grace tonight came in the form of beautiful prose from God's word himself. Like a father who picks up his child when she cries from falling down, and is then soothed and comforted, I am restored in much the same way when my eyes met these words:
I love you, O LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.....
....In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears...
...You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights...
...Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O LORD;
I will sing praises to your name.
[Extracted from Psalm: 18]
They are such beautiful words. If I knew how to write music, these words would provide such perfect lyrics to the melody I'd love to sing.
Thank you God, that I am whole in your eyes. That I am seen as perfect in your eyes because of Jesus Christ.
Thank you, that tonight, you have chased away what self doubt tried to robbed of me. And more importantly, for reminding me that I am rich in you, no matter what stains others try to paint on me. For that, I sleep better knowing it is you who restores and sustains broken souls like mine. I love you so much.
Sunday, May 6, 2012 | Personal
Iwasn't really paying attention, but CNN was making some ramble about how the moon would appear larger than it normally does, and it would happen tonight or something along those lines. I find it hard to concentrate once a whole lot of scientific jargon gets thrown across in my direction... all I heard was moon, larger, tonight. So I had to go and see.
Has anyone else seen the moon tonight?
It really does look incredible. I have this fascination with almost all things in the sky, and while my husband doesn't share the same enthusiasm, we all agreed that tonight, the moon was unusually large, full, and very clear. Beautiful in fact. Just like anything else from God's creation.
So, I snapped. Preserved that slice of our evening then and there. It hasn't been a particularly special night of any sorts... not good, not bad, just somewhere in the middle called 'nothingness'... but in that nothingness territory, my thoughts floated towards the continuum of this coming week. And I made a wish. I made a wish because I will be turning a year older this thursday. The wish included dreams of kindness, and love. and joy, and peace. And I'm hoping anyone who is my birthday neighbor will enjoy these same blessings as well during your special day. Let no one spoil it for you. Happy birthday in advance to all the May babies out there!!
Good night everyone. Hope you enjoy the photo of tonight's moon :)
Thursday, April 12, 2012 | Personal
Iknow I missed photo of the day already. Work has finally resumed after a very long Easter break, and that always means less time. Boo to that! But life goes on haha... so I guess that means 2 photos today? :P
Photo #1: I NEED this stuff to survive the insanity that lives in our office every single day. No coffee? No Jenny. And I mean that in the functioning sense. I LITERALLY almost comatosed without this black elixir. Ask anyone that works with me. They will vouch :)
Photo #2: And I thought I was the creative half in our marriage. Apparently not! :) Just some funny artwork created by my hubby one lazy sunday morning :P
Til next time! Yes, wedding, engagement, travel photos are all in store. Let me find a moment to breathe first, and I promise they will be here on the blog :)
Monday, April 9, 2012 | Personal
Hope you all had a wonderful Easter everyone! Not just OD-ing on chocolate eggs and bunnies, but also remembering the meaning behind this special occasion :) I'm SO beyond thankful for Easter and the reminding message that Jesus brings on the cross of forgiveness, underserved and unconditional love. "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" [Romans 5:8] Thank you God for loving us even though we did not deserve it. Alot of people often go through life not knowing love, or ever experiencing it in its deepest and purest form. I hope for those of you who are looking, or still feeling empty, unsatisfied or hollow, to turn your eyes to Jesus and the cross. It changed my life completely 12 years ago.
Photo #2/365. Today's photo was shot during my church's easter sunday service. A certain word really stood out, in more ways that one that day :)