This personal post is actually scary to write. Mainly because it is that.. it is SO personal.  
 
It started off as just a desire to share about two books that have really encouraged me over the last few months, but then with any recommendation, a convincing one would involve sharing why, and how it has impacted my own life. So this has been shelved for a little while as a result of my hesitance to let you all in a little into my secret world. The world that involves those closest to me, my husband, my friends, my family, my God, my deepest dreams and desires, and also my deepest fears and heartbreaks.  
 
So for this very small slice of time, I wanted to un-shelve, and personally and honestly share why these two books have profoundly affected me. I know alot of people come up to me and say that the life I live is incredible, amazing, and that I am so blessed. And in many ways, I know I am. God has been ridiculously kind and generous. The fact that I have a complete family, good friends (though small in number ), a roof over my head, I never want when it comes to food, I am married, and the reality of a job that allows me to do what I love are all blessings... and I know that. But one of the areas I struggle most is in marriage. I find it hard being a good wife. Ironic, I know, considering the fact that I am a WEDDING photographer. Realistically however, I have learned in the years I have been married (and talking to others) that while there have been some lucky few that have had it easy (something I thank God for, for you - what a beautiful gift you have been blessed with), I am certain for the majority of the rest of us, we fall into the 'marriage is hard and tough work' category.. the honeymoon period did not last. Which is why I've spent alot of time reading books on marriage, because despite how hard it has been, I am committed to making it work, and be better. That IS what the vows say right? For better or for worse :)  
 
I have been married 4 years, and while I love my husband to the moon and back, and I know he loves me just the same, it doesn't change the fact that marriage has not been easy for us. There have definitely been seasons of great joy, don't get me wrong... but in the 4 years we have been married, there have also been seasons of deep hurt. The kind of seasons where you sleep in separate rooms. Or you yell across spiteful things to hurt the other. We are so very very different as individuals (which is part of what attracted us to each other in the first place) couple that with the fact that we are both strong characters, stubborn, and aren't afraid to tell each other what we think, alot of times, we clash heads. So I will admit that we drive each other crazy alot! And there have been days where we sit and say to ourselves, "I don't know how to make this better". There really have been moments where I have been rendered incapacitated, and unable to do anything because of how hard some periods have been. But by the grace of God, while we aren't masters of our marriage or experts in the area, I have seen in hindsight that God has been sharpening us to be better. He has taught us (and is continuing to teach us) lessons of compromise, patience, sacrifice, and unconditional loving when we don't feel like loving. I can see God's wisdom in putting us together as alot of our differences complement each other, and we make each other better through those differences. I am a planner, he is not. He is easy going and flexible, I need things in order and stress when plans change. I sit and reflect about things deeply, he likes to think about things only if there is a need for it. He loves being out. I love being home. He needs alot of time to come back to solve a problem, I need it solved right then and there. And the list goes on. I am amazed, and thankful that by the grace of God, and that alone, we have been together 12 years, and married for 4. With hopefully more years to add to that :) 
 
I was shooting a wedding recently, and while the couple was not Christian, their vows and promises to each other in their toast really struck home with me. They said "your happiness is more important than my happiness. " They said "By putting you first, and making you happy, makes me happy". I swallowed the lump that was in my throat because there was SO MUCH truth and wisdom in that. I used to think that I would only get my happiness if I fought for it... if my husband didn't listen to me, I would have to push my way, only MY point of view mattered.. .and lets face it, many of us get into those situations all the time...But I have learned that marriage involves so much sacrifice and putting the other person first... and that is scary for us as people. Because we are so inherently self focused, and always ask ' well what about us'? And while Ju and I haven't perfected this skill... not even a little, what i have learned from just TRYING is that when both people are committed to putting the other ahead of themselves, it makes the grounds for a great great marriage to grow. And even if it is just ONE party trying, I know from experience that the other person does eventually notice and it helps in instigating change and what you are after far more effectively than fighting for it by pushing your own way ahead of theirs. Crazy I know right? I look at the way our parents love us... unconditionally loving us despite us being unappreciative or hurtful, we eventually see their goodness, and it only prompts me to want to be better for them. Similar principal.  
 
So these books are for those who have found that marriage isn't a bed of roses (and even if your marriage is, I think it is still a great read and reminder of why and how your marriage is so good). I know there are alot of books out there on marriage, and believe me i have read ALOT (like, in the double digit range - i am too embarrased to even admit how many I have read), but I have found these two most helpful and most encouraging because 1) They have really helped me get through some very difficult periods, and more importantly 2) they have pointed me back to the heart of the gospel, and driven me back to how God has loved us. Our amazing Lord loved us, and died for us, even when we hated and rejected him, and that is how I hope we will love each other in our marriage. I'm not very good at it, and I suspect for my husband and I , it will be a lifelong journey of teaching, sharpening, and growth (both in painful and joyful ways), but I am so thankful that through faith, I can depend on God to carry us through. He has said that He works for the good of those who love Him, and that is such an assuring thing to rest upon because i know if something is hard, something good is coming from it. And that means, pain, toil, and heart ache are never in vain.  
 
I know these books are written with Christians in mind, but I hope those of you who have dared to pick these two reads, will learn that the Christian view on marriage, and God's view on love is profoundly beautiful. Unselfish, and lasting. I promise I am not trying to be religious here at all.. I just hope you can see that God's view on love involves joy, deep companionship, belonging, unconditional love, desire, (all of which are great things we all want no matter what religion we belong to) and it shows that by putting the other person first, you gain far more than you ever imagined if you had tried seeking your own happiness first. It gives fruit to a marriage that goes deeper than those initial crazy fireworks, and more rooted and lasting than those hollywood romanticized love stories we all chase after.  
 
And that is a great great thing to rejoice about.  
 
xoxo 
 
 
ps: I would LOVE to hear your experiences about marriage, in the comment box below. It's completely confidential and you don't need to leave your details. I just find that we can all learn from each other. So do share your stories, or any tips you have, that have made your marriage better :) Otherwise my inbox is always open to all of you :)  
 
 
Tim Keller - The Meaning of Marriage 
Website: http://timothykeller.com/books/the_meaning_of_marriage/ 
Amazon/kindle version: http://www.amazon.com/The-Meaning-Marriage-Complexities-Commitment/dp/0525952470

John Piper - This Momentary Marriage  
(this book is also available to download and read for free in PDF format!! Check out the official website below) 
Website: http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/books/this-momentary-marriage 
Amazon/kindle version: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1433531119