Viewing One Post  |  View all recent posts
Friday, December 27, 2013  |  Personal

For all the Misfits and Rejects

...God loves the rejects, and the lowly. .. 
It is the page after Christmas. The presents have been unwrapped. The feasts have been cooked and consumed with zealousness. The lights on the tree dim less brightly, now that the twinkle of excitement that Christmas eve brings has passed. And there are so many things I could write about... presents, Christmas trees, family, egg nog, love...SO many things. But my mind keeps drifting back to the one truth that changed my life in 2000. It was the year I accepted Jesus into my heart. 
So, this post will be a little different from the usual... I am by nature, a writer first and foremost at heart. Even more so than a photographer. So, there won't be any photos as it is purely an honest journal from my heart, and like the purist writer in me, I'd like to let the words flow and do the talking tonight. This is a hard post to put together... it has taken me the better part of a month, and there have been tears and tissues shed and used in the process... but I felt it necessary to share it, because it has been so persistently on my mind. God is such a big part of my life... I know a lot of you don't see that, because I don't write about Him often, but He is the very very best piece of my existence, and I wanted to share with you partly in this post, why...  
You see, I have been feeling very down about myself of late. On the work and the personal front for so many reasons I can't quite detail in full now. But to understand how I have been feeling, I need to rewind a full decade and some more. When I do that, you will see that I was not a popular kid in school. In fact, I had very few friends growing up. I never got invited to sleepovers, or parties, no boys ever asked me out, I never got valentine roses from secret admirers, and I often floated through my school days just dreaming of the time I could leave because while I wasn't hated by people, there was the occasional teasing for being a nerd, the odd racist comment thrown at my face for being Chinese, and then there was just being ignored by my own group of friends from time to time as they found cooler people to hang out with - I never felt completely accepted or loved by my peers. And it was a somewhat lonely existence, growing up where I was feeling mostly unworthy - for example, it would be a common thing for people to judge me as a cold and snobby person because of the way my face looked. Just like that, the way my face was made, already made me an outcast. Little did they know that deep down, I was just really shy. That I am naturally an introvert, and that I was really craving for their friendship, if they would only give me the chance... Maybe I wasn't likeable enough, perhaps I wasn't pretty enough, what was wrong with me? Were some of the questions I would ask myself time and time again.  
Then, one year, I heard this message from Romans 8: "God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And my life completely changed. It was then that I accept Christ in my heart - to this day, it was the best decision I have ever made. It hasn't been the easiest decision to live with, but it has definitely been the best thing I have ever done. I was so awestruck and humbled by these words because it meant that even when I was at my very worst, and when I was God's enemy and had rejected God himself, He died on my behalf so that I may live and have eternal life in Him. It gave me so much hope and encouragement because it meant that I was wholly and completely loved and accepted for who I was - even at my very very ugliest and blackest. They say a good man may die for you if you are on good standing with him, but no one will die for you if you are their enemy. But God did. And that is why I love Him so much... no matter what is going on in my life, no matter who hates me, or what scum I am being put through on a work or personal front, I know I have a God that stands behind me, and takes me with open arms, and lifts me up under His wing each and every time without fail.  
"... Though the Lord is high, He regards the lowly..." [Psalm 138] 
God loves the rejects, and the lowly. I see it time and time again in the bible, how the Lord Jesus gravitated towards the scum of society, the people that were outcasts, hated by their people, and rejected by their own family. And it always amazed me that our God, would associate with and even love the lowliest of the lowliest. He doesn't have to, but he CHOOSES to. And that's what gets me every time. God loves the lowly. I have kept coming back to this truth over and over again of late... I'm not even sure why it even surfaced in my mind, but I do know that I have been thinking a lot of the souls out there who are having it hard, the misfits, the outcasts, those who have been suffering, or have hit rock mind has thought much of you and for you lately...maybe because I consider myself as one of you. A little lost at times. Wondering where we really fit in. And just misunderstood.  
Because in truth, and I am not sure why, I have been completely overwhelmed with the emotions of being in a competitive industry matter how many clients I have, or how many smiles we manage to capture, or people we make happy with the work I churn out, all I need to do is take one look around me and I am left feeling so small. Invisible on some days. Like I am not hip enough to hang with the cool kids. It's why I am so fearful of opportunists - my husband who deals with sales and people on a daily basis has taught me so much about people over the years and I am learning to see more and more intuitively how shallow some people are, how they have appeared so warm, friendly and interested on the surface, but have used me to just get ahead or are doing the same with others - if you aren't famous or well known, you'd never otherwise hear from them. It makes me sad that there are people like that in this world. They say what comes around goes around, but I don't like to wish bad or evil on people - I only hope that they come to realize that a life made up of relationships on that thin a premise will be a very lonely and sad one, especially when work fades, your health fades, and there is nothing else left but the seeds you have sown. I only hope they have sown it in grounds that produce harvests of love, family, and deep friendships. These kind of people have no idea how much they poison my happiness, and how much they make me feel like that girl from my younger days... that girl looking in from outside, feeling like I am not good enough because the world around me tells me so.  
So this post is for all the misfits, the outcasts, the rejects, the misunderstood, the abandoned ones, the ones left out, or have hit rock bottom, the outsiders, the lonely ones, the oddballs, or even if you are just hurting and aching inside. I believe there is a place for all of you. And while we may be from different backgrounds and beliefs, my heart, love and prayers go out to you anyway, and know that I am cheering for you. I hope you conquer the world. Show them that the underdogs do win. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't, or make you feel that you aren't good enough, smart enough, or beautiful enough because someone once told me that stars can't shine without darkness....and finally remember to stay strong - make them wonder how you suddenly shone so brightly one day. I know I plan (and hope) to charge ahead with my head held high in the new year, because I have a God that accepts me wholly for who I am, faults and all, and that kind of fire and hope goes all the way through to eternity and beyond.